Monday, June 12, 2006


So funny and true I have to share with you all!!

Hello, intrepid visitor. Have you ever heard anyone claim that he had a special acumen for detecting others within a certain culture in society just by viewing or briefly interacting with them? For example, many of us have heard of "gaydar", a play on the word radar, which refers to an intuitive ability to know without asking if someone else is a homosexual.

The same applies to vegans. There are visual, behavioral and social cues that, if observed with sensitivity and mindfulness, can be an indication of another's vegan status. Keep in mind that none of these predictors individually means anything, but when added together, they become quite a bit more substantial. Over time, you might refine your detection skills so well, you'll be able to walk into a crowded room, sniff once or twice, narrow your eyes a bit, and eerily pronounce, There's a vegan in my midst. Your friends will be amazed by your party trick!

So whether you're a vegan looking for a sympathetic soul to commiserate with at the office Christmas party or you're just looking for a few dairy-free recipes, print this checklist out and carry it with you. You never know when it might come in handy.

Does the individual in question have a copious amount of cat or dog fur sticking to his or her clothes at all times, even though she may not necessarily appear to be otherwise unkempt?

Yes No

If you are in the grocery store, do you observe this person scrutinizing ingredient lists with the focus of a scholar translating an ancient Babylonian text?

Yes No

At a restaurant, does this individual quiz the waitstaff for 10 minutes before placing an order for the steamed vegetable plate?

Yes No

Does this person look like she'd rather go naked than wear fur?

Yes No

Does this individual have a tendency to wear entirely black ensembles, or, conversely, loose hemp clothing hand-stitched by a feminist anarchist eco-collective out of Portland?

Yes No

If this person drinks coffee, is it an organic, shade-grown variety? If anything is added, is it soy milk and unbleached sugar?

Yes No

Has this person ever been overheard openly dreading and reflexively gagging at the thought of Thanksgiving dinner with the family?

Yes No

If this person is a co-worker, does he take a long lunch out of the office and return grumbling about how 50 people accused him of wearing leather shoes on the day after Thanksgiving, also known as Fur Free Friday?

Yes No

If not already residing there, has this person expressed a desire to move to San Francisco, Seattle, Eugene or Santa Fe? (If already dwelling there, also check Yes.)

Yes No

Does this person consult a small book, likely with a depiction of a rabbit on the cover, whenever purchasing personal hygiene products?

Yes No

If the individual in question is a co-worker, does she often bring a lunch that includes a mysterious springy white substance, often in cube form?

Yes No

Does this person get way too excited to hear that the convenience store nearby is now stocking Tofutti Cuties?

Yes No

If this person is approached by someone asking for sponsorship in the annual March of Dimes fundraiser, does she whip out a pamphlet and launch into a diatribe about the futility and cruelty of vivisection?

Yes No

Has this individual been overheard telling the person behind the counter at the juice bar to hold the yogurt, whey powder and/or bee pollen?

Yes No

Announce that you've discovered a new meltable, delicious cheese substitute without casein and observe the reaction. Does the person in question vacillate between wide-eyed hopefulness and wary skepticism?

Yes No

When shoe shopping, can this individual be observed scrutinizing the shoes for a 100% man-made materials stamp?

Yes No

Has this person ever been overheard in conversation lamenting, "Yeah, she's cute, but she's just a vegetarian."?

Yes No

Does a trail of "Meat is Murder" stickers seem to suddenly appear on the glass of the butcher counter at the grocery store when this individual passes by?

Yes No

Now tally up your Yes checks, and give yourself a point for every one. If you answered in the affirmative to the final question, add five more points.

1 - 7: It's a distinct possibility that this person is a vegan, but not absolutely conclusive. More detective work is needed.

8 - 14: Your vegan radar should be buzzing like mad. I think you're on to something, Sherlock!

15 - 21: Bingo, my friend! Break out the Soy Delicious and tofu whipped creme - you've struck gold


funwithyourfood said...

i hear you said happy birthday to cara!! thanks.. that's nice of you : )

We just got back from bowling. it was fun and you know i have to post pics of it


kate said...

good stuff

t. said...

If you were spying on me, I would come out at a 7 or 8. But here is the trick: I am a vegan in disguise, hired by the secret vegan society to convince people that veganism does not mean to change most of your habits. As a secret vegan agent my duties are to show people a fake, no-stress, vegan life to those around me, and when convinced, to harrass them with no fur/leather/animal products mind bombs. Until they reach the next level.
A dirty job, I am telling you... but someone has to do it.

primaryconsumer said...

Hehe, that was hysterical. Thanks for sharing it with us.

tara said...

I get the biggest chuckle from the tofutti cutie line. So very true. ;)

Tanya Kristine said...

its' VEGar!

and all so true. loved the dog hair one though. of course that's #1. and me.

Hi Kleoooo!

Sonya said...

Okay - i didn't have a chance to read through the quiz, but wanted to say how happy I am to have discovered your blog! I love vegan blogs.:-)

funwithyourfood said...

hahaha that is a funny quiz girl

Jody from VegChic said...

Has this person ever been overheard openly dreading and reflexively gagging at the thought of Thanksgiving dinner with the family?

LOL! That is so creative. Did you come up with it on your own?

Vicki said...

quiz nose ~ nice play! great quiz, though for me it's brown not black clothing.

Cindy said...

I love this post, it was so funny. Put a smile on my face for sure.
Heck, I could definitely answer yes for myself to at least half of them, so you might be on to something.

Peter Matthes said...

I had a roommate who would eat those tofu cuties and peanut butter poppers (Organic).

Melody said...

hehe.. thanks for the chuckle

Sonya said...

Kleopatra - thanks for visiting my blog, and yes, I'd be honoured to be an add on your links.

I'll definitely check some of those links out...but in the meantime, keep up the great blogging!!

I am addicted to tofutti cuties. Maybe that's half my problem in life.;-) Have you tried the "Marry Me" bars, made by the same company? They are chocolate coated vegan ice-cream bars. TO DIE FOR!

Shananigans said...

That was a cute quiz. Although in LA I think you may be misguided by some of those questions. There are plenty of folks walking around in hemp clothes and rope sandals because it’s hip and then they order bacon on their cheese omelet at the farmers market. I seen ‘em.

TK, is VEGar pronounced “vee´ gar”? I think it is.

kate said...

Hey, just wanted to let you know that I'm so so sorry about your recent trouble and am sending you mad positive thoughts. :-)

VeganDoc said...

Hee hee very funny!
Too bad I don't know any vegans around here, so I have no use for that quiz :(

KleoPatra said...

Thank you everyone for the cool comments and nice notes. Much appreciated.

To funwithyourfood~

i did say HB to your pal, Cara, and i liked hearing back from her and also knowing you had fun! Your bowling pix rock! And thanks for comin' back to Czech out the quiz. It's kinda fun and funny...

To kate~

Thanks. And (re: second post here) THANKS VERY MUCH...

To t.~

It's a job I am happy you are qualified for!

To primaryconsumer~

Glad you enjoyed!! I had fun with it as well.

To tara~

I'm a Tofutti Cutie fan myself. I like that line too!

To TK~

Ah, thanx for the proper pronunciation there. Also, the dog hair is so me also!!

To sonya~

Make yourself at home and hope you check out the links of some of the great bloggers out there who are veg as well. You'll find loads of support and cool kids if you look around a little bit! And regarding your second note, I'm all over any Tofutti product, I'm pretty hooked on the sweets and on their "cheese" products... I don't know if I have had a "Marry Me" but I will look for them!!

To jody from vegchic~

I took this from Vegan Street, i do believe. I try to be witty but this quiz is beyond my brightest attempt at clever originality! I'm glad you like it!!

To Vicki~

You know I try... I'm a word nerd and a journalist with a penchant for all things dealing with the English language. Richard Lederer is my hero... I have a lot of black clothes, too, not much brown... Maybe we should start working for UPS?!

To Cindy~

Thanks for the e-mails. REALLY nice. And as for this quiz, I dug it as well. I had to reprint it so no one who might be visiting this blog would miss it, in case he or she didn't spot it on the Vegan
Street web site.

To peter matthes~

I love your blog and the dog avatar, and I like your former roommate's taste in snacks. I'm big on Peanut Butter Tofutti Cuties. Haven't tried "poppers."

To Melody~

You are most welcome, of course.

To shan~

I know EXACTLY the types you're typin' about. We have some here in San Diego as well. Poseurs, i tell you!! Someday i hope these folks will see the proverbial light.

To VeganDoc~

Yeah, who knows any vegans!? :o)